just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
