I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
