Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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