A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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