My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
