I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Houston, we have a squirter
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
