I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
