Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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