Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
