All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
