I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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