marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
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