ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
