Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Green mimosas i think yes
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
