hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I love you. Go after that dick
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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