It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize