can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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