the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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