put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we made out on top of his cat.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
