yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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