i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
