You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
