pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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