he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just pee around me
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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