I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
