Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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