Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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