Dude my mom stole all your condoms
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
