Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
