i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
