community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
