you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
