you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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