i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
