he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
