All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
