I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize