Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
