Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
