he referred to my room as the tit cave...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
