apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
