i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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