Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
