why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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