I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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