Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
