He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
