there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
