In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
