You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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