I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
