She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
