I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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