I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
