Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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