I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
