you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
