I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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