I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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