never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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