you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
PANTIES FOUND
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