just tell him i said nine months
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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