You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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