My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
