FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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