I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
