Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
