batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
