where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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