you're like a bully in the Christmas story
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
